Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sharing stories of your living children with me

I was asked today if it was unkind for other parents to share their living children's accomplishments and successes with me? Did it make me think about what their child had-a life and a future and what the parent had -the promise of a future with their child consistent with all expectations? And what Casey did not have and what I no longer have? When I hear about some one's living child, especially if the child is a contemporary of Casey, I occasionally do drift into "what if" and "what would Casey be doing now?" Yes, it does sometimes cause me to well up . But what is the alternative? To have that person who is a parent purposefully not talk of their child for fear of upsetting me? To treat me differently because of my loss and pain? That would be worse by far because it is not real and it adds to my perception of being isolated and different as a result of losing my daughter.

Each day I try to look for gifts I have received from others. My gift today was that a caring person thought to ask me how I wanted to be treated instead of making an assumption about how I wanted to be treated. To be asked is empowering and comforting.

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