Thursday, September 23, 2010

I can't imagine ...

"I can't imagine what it is like ... without Casey." Someone I have known for quite a while who only recently learned of Casey's death said that to me. That was after they sent me an e-mail expressing their condolences, saying they just heard and they "dreaded" sending the e-mail but knew that they had to do so. What they did not say and which I infer is that they were afraid that sending me an e-mail about Casey's death would result in me becoming emotional or ruining a day when maybe I was functioning well and not thinking of my loss. I do have days that are ok-I do laugh and smile-and I can do so even with Casey on my mind virtually all the time. I used to say when I was emotional that I was having a bad day. I quickly learned that there is a difference between a bad day and an emotional day. So I stand firm that I, and all the other parents I have spoken with who have lost children, welcome becoming emotional if that is as a result of others' communications that refer to our children and that does not at all equate with "having a bad day." Some days I can imagine what it is like without Casey as I live that every day.... but I still can't imagine not having her around for the rest of my life, Di's life, Brett's life and what should have been her life.

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