Anniversary

The second anniversary of Casey's death was July 17th. Like last year, friends and family, about 35 of us, performed service at a No-Kill animal shelter in Casey's memory. It was a very good day when I stayed focused on what we were doing. Later that night I had one of the worst nights I have had in months-questioning why I am doing all of these things in Casey's memory, surrounding myself with young people who are leading lives that Casey should be leading and constantly reminding me of what Casey is missing. Of course I do it to remember Casey, to have her life make a difference, and to help me have some focus and direction which otherwise might be difficult. I have no choice but to continue, as painful as it is at times. The alternative is not an option. So how am I doing after the second anniversary of Casey's death? Half of my family's future was wiped away with Casey's death in a manner of speaking so I just look at today, if I can. Am I better? Am I worse than I was before? Am I less angry? Am I less in pain?

For the most part I am and feel so empty and tired.

Second anniversary

The second anniversary of Casey’s death will be on July 17^th. The night before she died I asked her if she was happy – I don’t know why, but I did and she answered “yes.” She said that she was happy in the moment but also with respect to her life as a whole. She had so much energy, excitement, vitality, compassion and love and, also a ton of self-confidence. She knew she would be a successful reporter and she knew she would make a positive difference in other’s lives. I knew it also. After telling me she was happy she smiled and that is the last conversation I had with her, the last time I saw that pretty smile and the last time I saw her alive.

Before her death I would often say I was blessed because my wife and children were healthy. I did know that life and health were gifts and not guaranteed. Now one of my children is dead and my wife is not so healthy as she grieves the loss of her daughter. Life has lost that comfortable rhythm and joy and I don’t look too far into the future anymore as it is too painful to contemplate all that Casey has lost and we who loved her have lost. I am no longer blessed with the good health of my children and my wife but I am blessed with the gift of the support, understanding , compassion and kindness from so many. That includes many being kind enough to ask me to speak to their groups-survivors of devastating injuries, family members of those who have died and young people in driving school/education classes about distracted driving.

While I do not look too far into the future personally, I do see the future as offering many opportunities to help others and at the same time help me by telling Casey's story. Listening to and supporting others as they mourn or contributing to making the highways safer feels right for me. We will be performing a day of service in Casey's memory on July 17th and I know that will feel right also.

Anniversary of death

The first anniversary of Casey's death was July 17 th. We were surrounded by friends and family. Some had ventured to approach me before the anniversary of her death trying to find out what that would be like for me, assuming it would be horrible. After the anniversary many told me that they"did not want to intrude" on that date or around that time so they did not reach out. We spent the anniversary of Casey's death doing service at a no-kill animal shelter in her memory. It was a beautiful day that I, and I am sure, many of those who participated will never forget. For some of the students it was their first experience with performing service and they were inspired to do more.

Many friends and colleagues still ask me "what can I do for you?" I used to not request anything. That has changed. I now ask others to consider reaching out to someone who suffered a loss on the anniversary of the death, or the birthday or any other date that is significant. All that is needed is just to let someone know that you have not forgotten them, their loved one and their loss. That is what others can do.

Related Links:

A Day of Service and Remembrance on Casey Feldman’s First ‘Angelversary’ -July 17, 2010 (Casey Feldman Memorial Foundation news article)

Photos from the day