A Need to Talk About Casey

Reprinted from 2010 (prior version accidentally deleted):

We continue to meet new people who have learned of our loss. We continue to meet parents who have also lost children. It is so clear to me that we need to talk about our children - we need to give their life meaning in whatever ways possible - we do not want our children who lived such very short lives to be forgotten. As I have said before, society does not make it easy sometimes for us to feel comfortable talking about our loss. Some of us have been fortunate to have those surrounding us who try to understand while many of us have not been so fortunate. Talking about our children is another way of keeping them alive. Many of us have also set up scholarships in our childrens' names and have tried to do something positive and lasting in their memory. We do this for them but very much also for us. What do we need to recover? What is recovery from this most awful experience? Someone recently talked to me about the difference between acceptance and peace. I have some measure of acceptance but little if anything in the nature of peace.

Anniversary of death

The first anniversary of Casey's death was July 17 th. We were surrounded by friends and family. Some had ventured to approach me before the anniversary of her death trying to find out what that would be like for me, assuming it would be horrible. After the anniversary many told me that they"did not want to intrude" on that date or around that time so they did not reach out. We spent the anniversary of Casey's death doing service at a no-kill animal shelter in her memory. It was a beautiful day that I, and I am sure, many of those who participated will never forget. For some of the students it was their first experience with performing service and they were inspired to do more.

Many friends and colleagues still ask me "what can I do for you?" I used to not request anything. That has changed. I now ask others to consider reaching out to someone who suffered a loss on the anniversary of the death, or the birthday or any other date that is significant. All that is needed is just to let someone know that you have not forgotten them, their loved one and their loss. That is what others can do.

Related Links:

A Day of Service and Remembrance on Casey Feldman’s First ‘Angelversary’ -July 17, 2010 (Casey Feldman Memorial Foundation news article)

Photos from the day