After Casey died I was not very comforted by those who told me that God had a plan or that time heals. Those who tried to tell me what path my grief would take or predict how long I would grieve just raised my anger and resistance. It was tantamount to lecturing and I did not want to be lectured. As a result I did learn what was helpful for me-to allow me the dignity to grieve as I needed to and provide support without the unsolicited advice. In thinking about it it seems that everyone really wants that whether grieving or not--to be respected and permitted to find their own way knowing that there are others who will support us on that path and will simply listen. So I thank all those who did so and also thanks to those who could not just listen-they have helped me as well in figuring out what I need and how I can approach others and be there for them in the future . I have also come to realize that I do not need to put the pressure on myself to "solve" others problems through my advice as I probably cannot...but I can act in a fashion to support others by allowing them to find thir own way and in doing so strengthen the relationships that really count. Thanks to Tess for listening so well this weekend and to so many others these last 7 months.
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