One year later

Shortly after Casey's death I was so comforted by all of her friends for staying in touch with us as we grieved. The influence that Casey had on her friends and the influence that her friends had on her was evident-such kind, supportive, caring, generous people. When I prepared the 14 minute DVD for Casey so many of her friends gave so much of themselves by lettting all of us know how Casey had positively impacted their lives. That started the process of getting to know Casey's friends much much better. We collectively grieved , sharing Casey stories when we could talk and just looking at each other and hugging when we could not talk so easily. Tuesday nights at the Feldmans, events honoring Casey locally, Springfield and West Chester and staying in touch through the network site, e-mails and texting. I worried about how long Casey's friends would stay in touch, continue to care and involve us in their lives.One year later we still text, e-mail and gather for Tuedsay night dinners. We still share Casey stories and come together on special occassions to release pink balloons upward to Casey. Casey's friends are still, and will always be, Casey's friends but they are our friends now also. We have created our own relationships with Casey's friends that will endure into the future. These new and evolving relationships are so important to Di and I and enable us to look into a future without Casey's physical presence not as one of anger, despair, longing , emptiness, unfullfilled dreams and loss , but optomistically as a future filled with hope and promise . Hope and promise for us, for all who knew and loved Casey and all who did not know Casey but have learned of her life. We have been given an extraordinary gift by all of those who knew Casey-the greatest gift they could-allowing us and welcoming us to become part of their lives .

Death Notification Class

Last week I participated in the MADD Death Notification Class held in Montgomery County, PA. The class was open for all first responders-police and EMT's and was very well attended. The executive director of PA MADD spoke and requested input from those of us who had lost loved ones. Three MADD volunteers talked about their particular losses and the specifics of the notification to them that their loved one had died. Practical pointers were provided , including suggestions of what to say and what not to say. I provided input concerning my "notification." I remember that night and what was said to me and how it was said vividly and will remember those details for the rest of my life. The doctors who told me that Casey had not survived surgery are now part of my "new story." I reminded those in attendance to remember that each of them, when they notify of a loved one's death, will also become part of that family's new story and that they can provide and incredible gift by starting the family's journey with kindness and compassion and understanding. The lessons I learned from my own experience as well as those learned from the class will help me as I try to comfort others, including my clients who have lost loved ones.