Distracted Driving

Seeing Casey's face on the Cover of the Newspaper

The DOT Video has taken off more than I could have imagined. I was interviewed for the local County paper and knew there would be a story. I walked into the convenience store and headed to the paper display racks. Then I saw Casey’s face on the front cover- three or four papers across with her sweet smile and face. I was in shock and numb as I paid for the papers. By the time I got to my car I broke down and just sat in the parking lot and cried as I have not done for several months. I became angry at the driver and then just sad and empty. I sat in my car watching people pulling into the parking lot for about twenty minutes before I could drive. Many were on hand-held cell phones, and some of those were smoking cigarettes at the same time. In several of the cars there were kids in the front seat with their parent driving and talking on the cell phone and in one case eating something and talking on the hand held cell. I presume that each driver is a good person, is loved by their friends and family ,and loves their family and friends. I know they are just like the driver that killed Casey, the drivers that killed all the others who were too young to die .They all never thought that they would be in an accident and that it was just “bad” people or really unlucky people who kill or maim while driving.

Related Links:
Faces of Distracted Driving Casey Video

Sharing our loss, Faces of Distracted Driving

Casey Feldman-The national symbol of the toll of distracted driving. That is the headline on the cover of yesterday's Daily Times. The distracted driving video featuring Casey's friends and Di has gone national: Faces of Distracted Driving: Casey Feldman, 21
A father asks: "Listen to Casey’s story,
share it, and commit to driving safer."
I worked so hard for this to happen and it was a very emotional day-seeing Casey's face on the cover of the local newspaper , speaking with reporters about distracted driving and Casey and our loss.... Gratifying but gut wrenching. All of the positive e-mails I receive are very helpful and promising ..perhaps people will change the way they drive.

Links:
What Will It Take?", Delaware County Daily Times, 2-25-2011
Faces of Distracted Driving: Casey Feldman, 21. U.S. DOT, 2-22-2011

I think I understand what it means to "be strong"

Immediately after Casey's death a number of people told me to "be strong." After hearing that for several days I asked those who said that to think about it and get back to me and tell me what that meant. I made that request of five or six people. Only one did speak to me about it later. He said "just keep doing what you are doing."

I recently completed a study of the support groups of grieving parents-those friends, co-workers and neighbors who come in contact with grieving parents. Because of my experience I solicited information about the statement "Be strong" when used to respond to parental grief. Almost all of the men considered it to be helpful while virtually none of the women responded that way. Not a single women said that to me after Casey's death.

I was told to be strong when I was tearing up or was too full of emotion to speak. At the beginning it almost made sense-be strong for your family, let them see through my "strength" that there was a path forward. My father-in-law also told me that the day after Casey died. He was trying so hard to be stoic and controlled after losing his granddaughter. The next day he suffered a stroke.

With time and distance and the experience of grief I sense that there is strength in suffering, in feeling the pain of an incredible loss and in wearing that pain plainly on one's face. My concept of being strong is very different I suspect from the behavior I was urged to adopt in the days following Casey's death.

Be strong

Immediately after Casey's death a number of people told me to "be strong." After hearing that for several days I asked those who said that to think about it and get back to me and tell me what that meant. I made that request of five or six people. Only one did speak to me about it later. He said "just keep doing what you are doing."

What would Casey be doing?

I seem to be thinking a lot lately about what Casey would be doing because I am with her friends and they are "actually doing." I once told someone that as a result of Casey's death a piece of me is missing-a gaping hole that does not feel like it will ever heal. So am I trying to fill in a little around that wound, trying to maybe smooth out the raw and jagged edges, by what I am doing with Casey's friends? Of course. But there is something more-it is really incredible to have relationships with Casey's friends and with other young people who did not know Casey or us at all before . I wonder at times, and so does Di, what we offer to them in return. That is something they can blog about.